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| Do make your kids feel priceless? |
Isn’t kind of foolish to put a value on person and what they do? But we do this all the time in life. But more so we do all the time with our children (especially teenagers). And I really don’t believe we know we are doing it. As a therapist who works with teens and families; I often hear sad stories from parents who feeling incompetent, burdened by, saddened, and broken from their relationship with their child. And they come in and meet with me and they tell me their pain as a parent dealing with a "today’s" teen. And at the end of the session I hear from the parent the infamous VALUE STATEMENT :
“I just want him go to college”
“I just want her to grow up and take over the family business”
“I just want him to go to an ivy league school”
“All I want is for him to get a scholarship to a good college”
I call it a value statement because it communicates to your child if you become this or do this I will love you more; buy you more; respect you more; trust you more; and ultimately VALUE you more. Basically, it puts a price on your child. Would you put more value in your son if he was a Doctor than your daughter if she was a store clerk? Would you love her more if she was a successful lawyer? What if you son refused to go to college and decides to work at Walmart and play War of Warcraft most of his life? Would it matter to you?
In our society we value grades, school, athleticism, talents, gifts, professions, money, popularity, intelligence, creativity more than the person him or herself. Meaning we got it all wrong in what we value in others, in our culture, and most importantly in our children.
Our children our priceless. Period. There is no price they can be bought for and there is no achievement they can reach that would make them worth anymore. They are priceless as they are. And all the “extra” stuff is just a cherry on top of the ice cream sundae that they already are. Do you believe your child is priceless? Do you REALLY believe your child is priceless? If they never changed do you feel they are priceless? If they never stop smoking pot, never go college or graduate high school, do you feel they are priceless? And would they say they felt that way too? Because the foundation of parent-child relationship no matter how dysfunctional the parent is or the child is, it has to start with the message of “priceless”:
“As my child you are priceless to me. Nothing you can do or not do to take that away from me. I may not always love your choices or behaviors but I will always love you. You are priceless.”
This perspective is revolutionizing for the child and in reality it is revolutionizing for the parent as well. Our kids are hearing a different story though. They are hearing and being taught if I look, dress, and talk a certain way then "I am priceless". If I achieve a certain status academically, athletically or musically then "I am priceless". Our culture, our media, their friends, their peers affirm them daily priceless is an achievement and something they attain and not something they already are. That is why the revolution of them feeling priceless starts with the home and the parent.
In 1996 Mastercard was facing a disaster. Their sales were sliding and their competition, Visa, was slowly pushing Mastercard out of business. Mastercard had to do something to save their company and their business. So they decided they needed a change of perspective of how they saw their customers, how they advertise, and most importantly how they saw themselves. The company was in a need of a revolution. So, they decided to launch advertising campaign that will get them back on top. They called their marketing campaign “Priceless”. You probably have seen one of the hundred plus television ads of the “Priceless” campaign. An example of one would be a father taking his son to a professional baseball game. And as they are showing the father and son have a great time at the baseball game they would have the following subtitles’:
Two tickets the ballgame: $65
Two hot dogs and a coke: $23
One foam finger: $12
Three hours at a ballgame with your son: PRICELESS
And they were great commercials. Some made you laugh and others made you cry (okay that is a little extreme). They even had a contest where you can send your own “Priceless” moments where you used a Mastercard. And it ended up being a hit for a dying company that was once had no chance of surviving and was being squashed by a competitor; and gave it life again.
Now, maybe your family or child or even your marriage is facing a disaster like what Mastercard was and it is in need of life. And your competition is not Visa, but instead its drugs, peers, Youtube, video games or other media. And you’re fighting for a relationship with your child. And just like Mastercard it is time for you to create a change that will save your family or you child. You’re in need of a new campaign. A "priceless" campaign. This week start showing and expressing to your child they are "priceless". Start with a hand written letter of affirmation affirming them of who they are as your child. How great they are. How great they will be. What your favorite memory is of them. Write to them letting them know how proud you are of them and how much you love and adore them. Make today the first day of your family's new campaign of being "priceless". Everything you say and do make it reflect and communicate to them they are "priceless".
