Do You Make Your Kids Feel Priceless?

Do make your kids feel priceless?

 As a parent what is most valuable in our culture: a doctor, a fireman, a lawyer, a marine, a teacher, a garbage man, a taxi driver or a store clerk? Some may say doctor for obvious reasons of being able to heal and care of the sick and wounded. Some may think a teacher is the most valuable due to the importance of teaching and training our youth to help secure our future. Others of you may say a Marine is. Strong, powerful, wheel trained and discipline. I mean you can’t put a price tag on someone who fights for our freedom can you? But how about a taxi driver? Or a store clerk? Would you put a value higher on a garbage man than a lawyer in our culture. Well some of you may think lawyers are garbage men (just kidding). Would you base the value on how much they make? Or how significant their role is in our society or in your life? Or how much schooling or letters they have at the end of their name?

Isn’t kind of foolish to put a value on person and what they do?  But we do this all the time in life. But more so we do all the time with our children (especially teenagers). And I really don’t believe we know we are doing it. As a therapist who works with teens and families; I often hear sad stories from parents who feeling incompetent, burdened by, saddened, and broken from their relationship with their child. And they come in and meet with me and they tell me their pain as a parent dealing with a "today’s" teen. And at the end of the session I hear from the parent the infamous VALUE STATEMENT :

“I just want him go to college”

“I just want her to grow up and take over the family business”

“I just want him to go to an ivy league school”

“All I want is for him to get a scholarship to a good college”

I call it a value statement because it communicates to your child if you become this or do this I will love you more; buy you more; respect you more; trust you more; and ultimately VALUE you more. Basically, it puts a price on your child. Would you put more value in your son if he was a Doctor than your daughter if she was a store clerk? Would you love her more if she was a successful lawyer? What if you son refused to go to college and decides to work at Walmart and play War of Warcraft most of his life? Would it matter to you?

In our society we value grades, school, athleticism, talents, gifts, professions, money, popularity, intelligence, creativity more than the person him or herself. Meaning we got it all wrong in what we value in others, in our culture, and most importantly in our children.

Our children our priceless. Period. There is no price they can be bought for and there is no achievement they can reach that would make them worth anymore.  They are priceless as they are. And all the “extra” stuff is just a cherry on top of  the ice cream sundae that they already are. Do you believe your child is priceless? Do you REALLY believe your child is priceless? If they never changed do you feel they are priceless? If they never stop smoking pot, never go college or graduate high school, do you feel they are priceless? And would they say they felt that way too? Because the foundation of parent-child relationship no matter how dysfunctional the parent is or the child is, it has to start with the message of “priceless”:

 “As my child you are priceless to me. Nothing you can do or not do to take that away from me.  I may not always love your choices or behaviors but I will always love you. You are priceless.”

This perspective is revolutionizing for the child and in reality it is revolutionizing for the parent as well. Our kids are hearing a different story though. They are hearing and being taught if I look, dress, and talk a certain way then "I am priceless".  If I achieve a certain status academically, athletically or musically then "I am priceless". Our culture, our media, their friends, their peers affirm them daily priceless is an achievement and something they attain and not something they already are. That is why the revolution of them feeling priceless starts with the home and the parent.

In 1996 Mastercard was facing a disaster. Their sales were sliding and their competition, Visa, was slowly pushing Mastercard out of business. Mastercard had to do something to save their company and their business. So they decided they needed a change of perspective of how they saw their customers, how they advertise, and most importantly how they saw themselves. The company was in a need of a revolution. So, they decided to launch advertising campaign that will get them back on top. They called their marketing campaign “Priceless”. You probably have seen one of the hundred plus television ads of the “Priceless” campaign. An example of one would be a father taking his son to a professional baseball game. And as they are showing the father and son have a great time at the baseball game they would have the following subtitles’:

Two tickets the ballgame:  $65

Two hot dogs and a coke:  $23

One foam finger:  $12

Three hours at a ballgame with your son: PRICELESS

And they were great commercials. Some made you laugh and others made you cry (okay that is a little extreme). They even had a contest where you can send your own “Priceless” moments where you used a Mastercard. And it ended up being a hit for a dying company that was once had no chance of surviving and was being squashed by a competitor; and gave it life again.

Now, maybe your family or child or even your marriage is facing a disaster like what Mastercard was and it is in need of life. And your competition is not Visa, but instead its drugs, peers, Youtube, video games or other media. And you’re fighting for a relationship with your child. And just like Mastercard it is time for you to create a change that will save your family or you child. You’re in need of a new campaign. A "priceless" campaign. This week start showing and expressing to your child they are "priceless". Start with a hand written letter of affirmation affirming them of who they are as your child. How great they are. How great they will be. What your favorite memory is of them. Write to them letting them know how proud you are of them and how much you love and adore them. Make today the first day of your family's new campaign of being "priceless". Everything you say and do make it reflect and communicate to them they are "priceless".  

Why am I anxious and what can I do about it?

Introduction to anxiety

Generalized anxiety disorder or GAD is characterized by excessive, exaggerated anxiety and worry about everyday life events. People with symptoms of generalized anxiety disorder tend to always expect disaster and can't stop worrying about health, money, family, work or school. In people with GAD, the worry often is unrealistic or out of proportion for the situation. Daily life becomes a constant state of worry, fear and dread. Eventually, the anxiety so dominates the person's thinking that it interferes with daily functioning, including work, school, social activities and relationships.

 

What Is Anxiety?

Anxiety is a natural human reaction that involves mind and body. It serves an important basic survival function: Anxiety is an alarm system that is activated whenever a person perceives danger or threat.

 

When the body and mind react to danger or threat, a person feels physical sensations of anxiety — things like a faster heartbeat and breathing, tense muscles, sweaty palms, a queasy stomach, and trembling hands or legs. These sensations are part of the body's fight-flight response. They are caused by a rush of adrenaline and other chemicals that prepare the body to make a quick getaway from danger. They can be mild or extreme.

 

The fight-flight response happens instantly when a person senses a threat. It takes a few seconds longer for the thinking part of the brain (the cortex) to process the situation and evaluate whether the threat is real, and if so, how to handle it. If the cortex sends the all-clear signal, the fight-flight response is deactivated and the nervous system can relax.

 

If the mind reasons that a threat might last, feelings of anxiety might linger, keeping the person alert. Physical sensations such as rapid, shallow breathing; a pounding heart; tense muscles; and sweaty palms might continue, too.

 

 

What Are the Symptoms of GAD?

GAD affects the way a person thinks, but the anxiety can lead to physical symptoms, as well. Symptoms of GAD include:

 

• Excessive, ongoing worry and tension
• An unrealistic view of problems
• Restlessness or a feeling of being "edgy"
• Irritability
• Muscle tension
• Headaches
• Sweating
• Difficulty concentrating
• Nausea
• The need to go to the bathroom frequently
• Tiredness
• Trouble falling or staying asleep
• Trembling
• Being easily startled
• In addition, people with GAD often have other anxiety disorders (such as panic disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder and phobias), suffer from depression, and/or abuse drugs or alcohol.

 

 

What Causes Generalized Anxiety Disorder?

The exact cause of GAD is not fully known, but a number of factors -- including genetics, brain chemistry and environmental stresses -- appear to contribute to its development.

 

Genetics: Some research suggests that family history plays a part in increasing the likelihood that a person will develop GAD. This means that the tendency to develop GAD may be passed on in families.

 

Brain chemistry: GAD has been associated with abnormal levels of certain neurotransmitters in the brain. Neurotransmitters are special chemical messengers that help move information from nerve cell to nerve cell. If the neurotransmitters are out of balance, messages cannot get through the brain properly. This can alter the way the brain reacts in certain situations, leading to anxiety.

 

Environmental factors: Trauma and stressful events, such as abuse, the death of a loved one, divorce, changing jobs or schools, may lead to GAD. GAD also may become worse during periods of stress. The use of and withdrawal from addictive substances, including alcohol, caffeine and nicotine, can also worsen anxiety.

 

How Are Anxiety Disorders Treated?

Anxiety disorders can be treated by mental health professionals, or therapists. A therapist can look at the symptoms someone is dealing with, diagnose the specific anxiety disorder, and create a plan to help the person get relief.

 

A particular type of talk therapy called cognitive-behavior therapy (CBT) is often used. In CBT, a person learns new ways to think and act in situations that can cause anxiety, and to manage and deal with stress. The therapist provides support and guidance and teaches new coping skills, such as relaxation techniques or breathing exercises. Sometimes, but not always, medication is used as part of the treatment for anxiety.

 

How Common Is Generalized Anxiety Disorder?

About 4 million adult Americans suffer from GAD during the course of a year. It most often begins in childhood or adolescence, but can begin in adulthood. It is more common in women than in men.

Shocking Video on Today's Teens

An interesting and yet sad video on current statistics on today's teenagers:

What You Need to Know About Depression

What Are the Symptoms of Depression?

Symptoms that people have when they're depressed can include:

• Depressed mood or sadness most of the time
• Lack of energy and feeling tired all the time
• Inability to enjoy things that used to bring pleasure
• Withdrawal from friends and family
• Irritability, anger, or anxiety
• Inability to concentrate
• Significant weight loss or gain
• Significant change in sleep patterns (inability to fall asleep, stay asleep, or get up in the morning)
• Feelings of guilt or worthlessness
• Aches and pains (with no known medical cause)
• Pessimism and indifference (not caring about anything in the present or future)
• Thoughts of death or suicide

When someone has five or more of these symptoms most of the time for 2 weeks or longer, that person is probably depressed.

Teens who are depressed may show other warning signs or symptoms, such as lack of interest or motivation, poor concentration, and low mental energy caused by depression. They also might have increased problems at school because of skipped classes.

Some teens with depression have other problems, too, and these can intensify feelings of worthlessness or inner pain. For example, people who cut themselves or who have eating disorders may have unrecognized depression that needs attention.

How Is Depression Different From Regular Sadness?

Everyone has some ups and downs, and sadness is a natural emotion. The normal stresses of life can lead anyone to feel sad every once in a while. Things like an argument with a friend, a breakup, doing poorly on a test, not being chosen for a team, or a best friend moving out of town can lead to feelings of sadness, hurt, disappointment, or grief. These reactions are usually brief and go away with a little time and care.

Depression is more than occasionally feeling blue, sad, or down in the dumps, though. Depression is a strong mood involving sadness, discouragement, despair, or hopelessness that lasts for weeks, months, or even longer. It interferes with a person's ability to participate in normal activities.

Depression affects a person's thoughts, outlook, and behavior as well as mood. In addition to a depressed mood, a person with depression can also feel tired, irritable, and notice changes in appetite.

When someone has depression, it can cloud everything. The world looks bleak and the person's thoughts reflect that hopelessness and helplessness. People with depression tend to have negative and self-critical thoughts. Sometimes, despite their true value, people with depression can feel worthless and unlovable.

Because of feelings of sadness and low energy, people with depression may pull away from those around them or from activities they once enjoyed. This usually makes them feel more lonely and isolated, making the depression and negative thinking worse.

Depression can be mild or severe. At its worst, depression can create such feelings of despair that a person thinks about suicide.

Depression can cause physical symptoms, too. Some people have an upset stomach, loss of appetite, weight gain or loss, headaches, and sleeping problems when they're depressed.

Why Do People Get Depressed?

There is no single cause for depression. Many factors play a role including genetics, environment, life events, medical conditions, and the way people react to things that happen in their lives.

 

Genetics

Research shows that depression runs in families and that some people inherit genes that make it more likely for them to get depressed. Not everyone who has the genetic makeup for depression gets depressed, though. And many people who have no family history of depression have the condition. So although genes are one factor, they aren't the single cause of depression.

Life Events

The death of a family member, friend, or pet can go beyond normal grief and sometimes lead to depression. Other difficult life events, such as when parents divorce, separate, or remarry, can trigger depression. Even events like moving or changing schools can be emotionally challenging enough that a person becomes depressed.

Family and Social Environment

For some teens, a negative, stressful, or unhappy family atmosphere can affect their self-esteem and lead to depression. This can also include high-stress living situations such as poverty; homelessness; and violence in the family, relationships, or community.

Substance use and abuse also can cause chemical changes in the brain that affect mood — alcohol and some drugs are known to have depressant effects. The negative social and personal consequences of substance abuse also can lead to severe unhappiness and depression.

Medical Conditions

Certain medical conditions can affect hormone balance and therefore have an effect on mood. Some conditions, such as hypothyroidism, are known to cause a depressed mood in some people. When these medical conditions are diagnosed and treated by a doctor, the depression usually disappears. 

For some teens, undiagnosed learning disabilities might block school success, hormonal changes might affect mood, or physical illness might present challenges or setbacks.

Getting Help

Depression is one of the most common emotional problems in the United States and around the world. The good news is that it's also one of the most treatable conditions. Therapists and other professionals can help. In fact, about 80% of people who get help for their depression have a better quality of life — they feel better and enjoy themselves in a way that they weren't able to before.

Treatment for depression can include psychotherapy, medication, or a combination of both.

Psychotherapy with a mental health professional is very effective in treating depression. Therapy sessions can help people understand more about why they feel depressed, and ways to combat it.

Sometimes, doctors prescribe medicine for a person who has depression. When prescribing medicine, a doctor will carefully monitor patients to make sure they get the right dose. The doctor will adjust the dose as necessary. It can take a few weeks before the person feels the medicine working. Because every person's brain is different, what works well for one person might not be good for another.

Everyone can benefit from mood-boosting activities like exercise, yoga, dance, journaling, or art. It can also help to keep busy no matter how tired you feel.

People who are depressed shouldn't wait and hope it will go away on its own because depression can be effectively treated. Friends or others need to step in if someone seems severely depressed and isn't getting help.

Many people find that it helps to open up to parents or other adults they trust. Simply saying, "I've been feeling really down lately and I think I'm depressed," can be a good way to begin the discussion. Ask your parent to arrange an appointment with a therapist. If a parent or family member can't help, turn to your school counselor, best friend, or a helpline to get help.

When Depression Is Severe

People who are extremely depressed and who may be thinking about hurting themselves or about suicide need help as soon as possible. When depression is this severe, it is a very real medical emergency, and an adult must be notified. Most communities have suicide hotlines where people can get guidance and support in an emergency.

Although it's important to be supportive, trying to cheer up a friend or reasoning with him or her probably won't work to help depression or suicidal feelings go away. Depression can be so strong that it outweighs a person's ability to respond to reason. Even if your friend has asked you to promise not to tell, severe depression is a situation where telling can save a life. The most important thing a depressed person can do is to get help. If you or a friend feels unsafe or out of control, get help now. Tell a trusted adult, call 911, or go to the emergency room.

Getting through depression

• Pace yourself. Don't expect to do everything you normally can. Set a realistic schedule.
• Don't believe negative thoughts you may have, such as blaming yourself or expecting to fail. This thinking is part of depression. These thoughts will go away as your depression lifts.
• Get involved in activities that make you feel good or feel like you've achieved something.
• Avoid making big life decisions while you are depressed. If you must make a big decision, ask someone you trust to help you.
• Avoid drugs and alcohol. Both make depression worse. Both can cause dangerous side effects with your antidepressants.
• Physical activity seems to cause a chemical reaction in the body that may improve your mood. Exercising 4 to 6 times a week for at least 30 minutes each time is a good goal. But even less activity can be helpful.
• Try not to get discouraged. It will take time for your depression to lift fully.